Coming Up For Air

Hello?

Anyone still out there???

No, I haven't floated off deep into the Blog-o-Sphere. I've been buried deep in research, brainstorming scenes, and well, building a skeleton for my new novel. I'm almost ready to begin writing my pages but before I do, I thought I'd come up for air, take a look around, and share what I've learned under here...

First, let me say that everyone's process is unique. This is mine. If it helps you, by all means, make it your own...

Novels Need Outlines. This is not to squelch the creative process. And yes, I've shared this view in previous postings but I've reached an all new love of outlines. I see them as quite the opposite of rigidity--which just might be how some of you view them.

An outline should free you. Writing a novel is like driving in the dark with no headlights on, so you really better know where you're going. We've all heard the analogy, an outline is your road map. That might be trite and cliché but it's true. If you have no idea where you're going in the dark, you're bound to experience a bumpy ride and you might even land in a ditch! Think of all the energy you'll need to expend digging yourself out! An outline preserves your energy and frees your mind so you can explore side streets and other avenues--as long as you know where you're headed, you won't get lost!

My outlines are colorful. They live and breathe. They change as the need arises. I like to think of them as the skeleton of my story that I will build up later with tendons, muscles, and flesh. But remember, without the bones, muscles and flesh can't stand. And without an outline--a skeleton--your story might fall as well or at the very least, you might get lost and never finish it.

Not a Four-Letter Word. Now, I am going to say a dirty word. Ready... It's an F word... Prepare yourself!

Formula.

There, I said it. Yes, formula. You know, the infamous Three-Act Structure and all the plot points in-between--the inciting incident, rising stakes, ticking clocks, separation of MC from his/her side-kick, Battle Scene, etc.

Writers want to believe they are better than a formula. I say embrace it! Story formula has been around since before Shakespeare. So, don't hide it behind your pills in the medicine cabinet. No! Take it out, dust it off, and let it shine!

Formula is another part of your road map, it's like knowing there are jug handles and exit ramps and one-way streets. Or if you prefer the skeleton analogy, it's the tendons--what holds the bones together and helps them move. It's what makes your story JUMP and BEND and SWAY. It's the forward motion of your story.

Another Scary Word... I'll whisper this one, as not to frighten you away, Page Length.

I first studied screenplays before writing my first novel (6 times). Everyone who writes screenplays knows most scripts are 120 pages. They know Act 1 is about 30 pages, Act 2, 60 pages, and Act 3, 30 pages or less. Knowing the length of pages you are striving for helps with your pacing, helps you decide where to put those pesky little plot points. But how does that translate to novels???

Depending upon the age of your reader, Act 1 is about 75 - 100 pages, Act 2 is about 150 - 200 pages (divide this in half for Act 2A/2B), and act 3 is about 75-50 pages, for the grand total of 275 - 375 pages, again, depending upon the age of your reader. If you write for younger independent readers, just be sure Act 1 is half as long as Act 2 and Act 3 is a bit shorter than Act 1. Of course there are no hard fast rules to this--it's just part of the skeleton.

All This Talk of Outline... How Does One Even Get Started??? Here is how I write my outline... For months, I might do nothing but ponder scenes, meditate on scenes, dream about scenes... I write every scene I can possibly imagine in a kind of short-hand way. I write whatever comes to me about that scene, sometimes dialogue, sometimes narrative, sometimes just a sentence--- this is where she gets kissed. Sooooo nervous! I don't judge what comes to me or try to "fix it". It's fast and messy and is only the crux of the scene. It is not a thing of labor nor design but just a flash.

I repeat this process until one day it stops. Then that's it, I know I have most of the scenes I will need to build my skeletal outline. I will then take all those scenes and print them on color-coded index cards. Some people use the colors to represent plot points or characters. I use them to represent drafts. Yellow is a first draft, orange a second, and so on. For example, sometimes as I am writing pages, I realize I need to include something I had forgotten about in an earlier chapter--usually a prop of some sort--I will take an orange index card and write in what I need to include in this chapter for the next draft. This way I won't worry the whole time that I will forget that loop hole.

Once all the index cards are written, I spread them out on the floor and put them in a semblance of order. I look and see what might still be missing, check for "screen" time for all my characters, look for arcs, motivation, rising stakes, ticking clocks, emotional rises and falls, and all the Formula or plot points of the skeleton. Once that is settled and only then, I will begin writing pages.

As you write pages, new things will pop up and that's good, go with it, adjust the index cards (your skeleton) as you need to and move on.

But Wait! Did You Do Your Research? Before pages, before brainstorming scenes, and certainly before my outline, I research. I research and research and research. Any concept can be researched. I don't care what you are writing. Even if it is something you personally experienced, the research behind a book is quite necessary.

You might only use 10% of what you've learned but that 10% will be the veins of your story. If your outline is the skeleton, and the formula the tendons, then the research is the blood that flows through the story to breathe movement into the muscles. The muscles and flesh would die without blood flow, therefore your story would feel flat w/o research.

Research should inspire you to write your story; it should IGNITE YOU! Set you on fire! If your research bores you, move on to another piece of research. It is often through my research that I will have a light bulb moment. While researching I keep a notebook with me at all times. I write the date and what book I am reading or what documentary or movie I am watching. Anything that flows through my mind as I am reading or watching, I scribble in the notebook. Later, when brainstorming scenes, I look through this notebook. 90% of my scenes--or what will later become the chapters of my book--begin with light bulbs that twinkle during research.

Research Your Genre, Too. Research extends into reading fiction in your genre as well. So, read, read, read books in your genre. Either take notes while you are reading or after you've finished a book. Think back to what worked, what failed, why it worked, why it didn't work. What this writer did really well, not so well... you get the idea. Then, after you've read 3 - 5 books in your genre, do an analysis of the ones you admired. How did that author do it? How is your story alike? How is it different? What parts are you missing in your story? What paradigm was used? Was it an Accidental Hero, A Fish Out of Water Paradigm...

Make Sure You Have a Theme. Before going to pages, be sure you know what you are trying to say--this will be the color to your flesh. A lot of people freeze when asked, what is the theme of your story? They think they suddenly have to don a smoking jacket, with pipe in hand, sitting in a upholstered chair by a roaring fire. But it's not as cerebral as you might fear.

A theme should be a simple sentence: Desperate people do desperate things. That's a theme. From there, just make sure EVERYTHING speaks to your theme. If it doesn't, cut it. And if it does, your story will have that je ne sais quoi, that special something that most people can't explain.

A word to the wise: A theme can't be one word, like my story is about love. That's too vague. My story is about picking yourself up after a broken heart. That's better. My story is about the lengths people will go to find love... That's good, too, as long as it's a simple, clear sentence.

Books to Read on Writing a Novel:

• From Where You Dream by Robert Olen Butler
• Time to Write by Kelly L. Stone
• Invisible Ink by Brian McDonald

Until the next breathing hole... happy writing!

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you are all getting a ton of writing done!!!

Summer Goals: Week Two

I am not in a writer's group presently. I am on a sabbatical. But in order to keep me on track, I will post my weekly goals, among other things, throughout the summer...

Week Two

1. Continue to research for my new YA political sci-fi. Research, specifically what would be needed to over-throw the government - or for the government to completely change before "The People" knew what was happening. Reading: A 5,000 Year Leap - a non-fiction book on all that needed to be put in-place in order to create democracy, the formation of America, and what happened as a result.
2. Continue to read Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale--a sci-fi--to see how setting and time is created without being intrusive to the story.
3. Read latest draft of OW - amended summer goals - finish this latest draft by Sept/Oct so I am ready to begin writing pages for YA political sci-fi.
4. Be sure to file latest story idea that came to me yesterday while researching. It will be another sci-fi but possibly adult!!!! Yikes!!

On another note; Life Lessons Learned While Living Life...

Last week, I was kind of forced into quiting my part-time job. I have just had the WORST luck in getting a job lately that suits me. Here's what I learned as a result of this experience:

1. Never work in a place where you enjoy being the customer. If you should lose that job, you will also lose the chance to be their customer.
2. Never confide in someone younger than you, especially, someone younger who is related to a boss.
3. Never lose sight of the big picture; this job was supposed to be just--a job while I pursue my writing career. I lost sight of that and became wrapped up in this part-time job and allowed it to blind me with ambition and consume me.
4. Never become blinded by ambition. It is good to be ambitious but try to reign yourself in if you are forgetting the basics... where you truly are on this path and what you truly deserve as a result.
5. And last but not least, never become desperate because it really is true, desperate people DO do desperate things. It is hard not to feel desperate when you are in a desperate situation. How to avoid that I am still working out but I think it has something to do with celebrating and focusing on the areas of success in your life and often times that revolves around the people who love you and whom you love back.

Cheers Everyone and Happy Writing!

Sheri

Summer Goals 2010

Every summer I do something completely different with my novel writer's group. Usually for the summer we stop meeting in person to do critiques and instead we do Summer Writing Buddies. But before I explain what that is, first let me just say this:

I decided to step back from my Writer's Group. This was no easy decision but one I have been contemplating for about a year. I've found that being critiqued while writing, for me, is just not beneficial. While I believe writer's groups are well-intentioned and can be very useful, I also think there is a time and place for them. If you have three finished manuscripts under your belt, then you might be ready for a critique group. But if you are still in the throws of a first draft, it's time to pull away from critiques and just write.

Being that I am beginning a brand new novel, I decided not to write this one "by committee" and instead become very solitary and write my novel. However, with that said, summer is usually the time that I research a new project and write a solid outline so when my kids return to school in the fall I am all set to roll up my sleeves and get down to business. With that said, even though I am on sabbatical from my group and will not open pages up for critiques, I will do Summer Writing Buddies and here's how it works...

Anyone can form an online group like this. All you need is like-minded people who are decisive, creative-thinkers, and dependable. I think it's best to actually do this via the phone and not via computers but that is not always feasible so I will give you the online version. If you know someone the phone will work with then switch Virtual Meeting with Phone Meeting.

The first step to Writing Buddies is a plan. You each decide if you will "meet" weekly or monthly. Then you email each other your FULL summer goal list before your prescribed day to e-meet. For the first meeting you each take some of your goals that you think you can meet in the first week (or month if you decide on monthly meetings). When listening to the other writers' goals, see if you have any additional suggestions they might want to add to their week's list. It can't be just anything. It has to match the goals they've already set for themselves. For example, if someone says, I have to beef up my dialogue. You might suggest that they hang out at the nearest Apple Store on a Friday night and write down dialogue they hear from a gaggle of teens. Now, just because you suggested this as a goal doesn't mean that writer has to take your suggestion.

The next week that you e-meet for your Virtual Meeting (VM), you speak more specifically if you met your goals, why or why not, and what you learned from that week, as well as set new goals for the new week. After the VM you then email each other your new list of goals and then the whole process repeats throughout the summer months.

Summer Buddies DO NOT critique one another. They simply listen to goals, offer additional goals if helpful, and help identify patterns of behavior that might be counterproductive to meeting those goals. For example, one summer I was having trouble writing because my kids were home for the summer. It was that summer that I discovered headphones. They not only blocked out the noise but for some reason I focused more intently when they were on even if no one was home.

If you are just beginning a new draft or novel, give Writing Buddies a try. Here are my summer goals and then how I broke them down for this week only:

My Summer Goals:

• I will read and research America's history as well as a few other countries' to see what really needs to be in place in order to have a break down in the government.
• I will talk to historians in local colleges or online
• I will NOT focus on pages. That is NOT my goal this summer. That is my goal for the fall. The summer goal is really to think, read, percolate, read some more, take notes, brainstorm, dream, meditate to meet my characters, etc. I will NOT allow myself to rush this process or allow myself to be swayed. Stick to my process, honor it, and believe it's possible - I can write and complete a novel in a year.
• I will watch shows, movies, etc read about what experts say the future looks like as far as technology, environmentally, "governmentally," etc.
• I will re-read From Where We Dream and use that process to brainstorm this story before I do ANY WRITING of it at all. This is actually my second priority. Reading and research is number one. I need to fill my brain with the stuff this story will be based upon and THEN brainstorm.
• After I've brainstormed every possible scene, I will put them in an order that makes sense to me and from that I will generate my outline.
• If, and only if, I meet all of the above goals, I will then write very rough, very short chapters for a first draft writing in the fall. These chapters can be as short as; Ch 11 S. kisses A. - and that will be OK. I will know there will be time in the fall to really flesh out the chapters.

My Mission Statement for Writing Buddies 2010 What I hope to get from my Writing Buddy partnership is to gain perspective into my patterns that might be working against my goals. I hope it will keep me on track with my goals, cheer me on when I need it, and shed positive light. I hope that we will be open and honest with one another in a loving and supportive way. I hope I will be able to do all the same for her and help her reach all of her goals in a positive, supportive way.

My Writing Buddy and I had our first phone meeting this morning. From that meeting, here are my goals for this week:

• Get title of history book from my father and begin reading it this week. Take copious notes.
• Get title of sci-fi book from Cathy and start reading it this week. Take copious notes.
• Watch the Minority Report. Pay close attention to how the movie presents this dystopic America and why the viewers accept it without question.

And that's how Summer Writing Buddies goes. If you're interested, start a group of your own. All you really need is one other person. It's very helpful to tell someone your goals. It keeps you honest and on track.

Happy Writing!

Sheri

Writer's Groups

As you may all know I am the founder of a writer's group. We've been in formation for about 4 years. While I love my group I've been struggling with the following thought: do writer's groups work for novelists who are still in the writing process of an new or incomplete novel? When you submit for critiques before your MS is completed, are you then essentially writing by committee?

I know what I think about this notions, but I thought we could open up maybe an interesting topic for discussion here.

What do you think? Do writer's groups work for novelists who are not done writing their MS? Let's share...

My Good Ol' Emotional Journal is Back...

Ahhh, nothing like a new job and feeling that everything's going to work out to help me reclaim my life and what better way than to begin my Emotional Journal again.

If you are unaware of what my Emotional Journal is, allow me to share... As writers, we often think we know exactly what each emotion feels like, but when we write about it, it often becomes cliche or starchy-stiff.

One thing I do to combat this is to keep an Emotional Journal. Anytime I feel intense emotion, I journal about it. I note where I feel that emotion in my body, what my reaction was, if I said anything, or reacted in any way. This way, the next time I have to write about that emotion, I can SHOW how my character is feeling instead of TELLING about it.

Here is my entry this week for FEAR

Situation: Driving at night on rural rt. 523 with my girls. I wanted to see if my lights were working because I recently hit a deer and a passing car was flickering their lights at me. To me, this usually signals to slow down because a police car is lying in wait to catch someone speeding. Seeing that there weren't any cop cars around, I wondered if perhaps my light was out on the side that I hit the deer. I meant to only turn my flood lights off but instead I turned off my headlights and floodlights so that we were tooling down the road in pitch blackness. This particular part of rt. 523 is usually deer-infested and as I just said, I recently hit one so the fear was immediate.

What I felt: I felt the fear in the very souls of my feet. They tingled and felt as if they visibly arched upward as if they were being sucked up from some vacuum inside my body.

Daughter #2 said she felt her fear in her shoulders on her back… it tensed up tight and without realizing it, her hands gripped what ever they could.

Daughter #1 said she felt spiky tingles on the back of her neck.

Then we started talking about how fear feels differently for different reasons, like waking up from a nightmare in the dead of night when the house is quiet and still and you feel you are the only person awake and scared in the whole world. The loneliness and fear feel differently than it did on the black, country, deer-infested road.

For me, when I wake up in the middle of the night, fear, like an electric current, crawls up my back. I feel better if someone holds me with my back against their front—spooning me. I feel almost an acute awareness that I am not alone even though I feel so lonely at those times. I feel someone is watching me that I cannot see. The old “Boogie Man” in the closet or under the bed creeps right back as if I were 9 years old again. But this kind of fear is definitely a prickling sensation that starts at the base of my back and rolls all the way up, up my back, up my neck, and even to the top of my head. It comes in waves and just keeps rolling like that.

What are the different ways you feel fear?

On another note, tomorrow I leave for the NJ SCBWI conference! I am psyched!!!! I am meeting with agent Jill Corcoran from the Herman Agency and I am psyched about that too.

Jill was one of the agents on our panel last year and I really wanted to meet with her then. She seems like a very nice, easy-going person and I can't wait to hear her constructive criticism on my newest novel, a YA sci-fi.

Wish me luck!

Toodles,

Sheri

What, You Don't Call, You Don't Write???

You might have wondered what ever happened to me. (Or maybe you stopped wondering.) I used to be a blogging junky, unable to stop myself, losing hour after hour into the blog-o-sphere. Then this year came and put me through the wringer and I was unable to blog regularly. Maybe you're wondering what's really been going on. Well, have I got a story for you...

Once upon a time, a young woman had a plan. She was going to be a teacher and a children's book writer. The plan was to teach for about three years while compiling ideas of picture books that were not written but ought to be written. For example, this young woman discovered there weren't any books on Ground Hog's Day, a "holiday" definitely touched upon in Kindergarten. Now there are a gabillion books on Ground Hog's Day.

As what often happens in life, three years swiftly became seven. The young woman married and had a baby. And another baby. And foolishly thought, I'll just write when the baby naps. Little did she know she would be tired and she would need a nap when the baby napped. But she did manage to take a writing class, read lots of books on writing, write several picture books, lots of bad poetry, take a two-year course on screen writing, begin a novel, write several drafts, as well as run a household and a thriving tutoring business.

Before she knew it, she had been on a nine year maternity leave.

"Time to go back to teaching!" she thought.

Gladly, she accepted a one-year maternity-leave position thinking it was a perfect way to test the waters and see if she and her family were ready for her to return full-time to work.

She had mainly been a kindergarten teacher before but she had also taught some first grade and one year of third grade so when this new school gave her fourth grade, it wasn't want she hoped for, but she accepted it with an open mind.

Grading 72 essays each week was very different then cutting out shapes for kindergarten. She loved her students and teaching them but all her time went to her teaching; Sadly, there was never any left over time for her family or her writing. She became very sad.

The maternity leave position came to an end. The teacher wanted her job back and there weren't any other positions available, so the still kind-of young woman no longer had a teaching job. She wasn't sad, though. She believed in the Universe and that everything would work out. She believed another job was right around the corner, one that would suit her even better.

Four years later...

...the still, kind-of-young woman had all but given up. She struggled to pay her bills without her teaching position, a recession hit, her taxes went up... (You know the story.) In order to make ends meet, she willingly worked several part-time jobs while her husband worked every other week in NJ and every other week in MA . They were grateful to have jobs in such a scary, lean time but even with all of that, they still couldn't make ends meet. She tried to remind herself that the Universe has a plan and everything will work out but she was losing faith.

Meanwhile, she did all she could to keep her writing dream alive. She began the Hunterdon County Children's Writers and Illustrators Group. She became an active member of NJ's SCBWI. She kept writing and reading and honing her skills, meeting with agents and editors and fellow writers. But all the guilt of pursuing a dream while they struggled to pay the bills added so much guilt and stress, it was hard to feel creative.

One day, she decided to accept the fact that she would never be able to return to teaching and began shredding her teaching papers in her file cabinet. She didn't do this angrily. No. It was more of a surrender, an acceptance of what is is, what will be will be, and a willingness to be open to the possibilities. As she was shredding her last papers--a packet on Blooms Taxonomy--she received an email.

It was from the Charter School she desperately wanted to teach for. They wanted to set up a phone interview! Happy Days!!!! Then they wanted a face-to-face interview! Hallelujah!!! And then...

THEY OFFERED HER A TEACHING POSITION.

But not just ANY positions...

A KINDERGARTEN TEACHING POSITION!!!!!!!

She was on top of the world. Someone was going to save her, believe in her, give her the chance she needed and deserved. She was beyond thrilled.

A happy ending! Yay!

This, of course, is a true story about me but I'd like to fill you in on this other reason for my lack of blogging as well. My first born baby is becoming a Bat Mitzvah in TWO weeks. And boy, am I busy with details and plans!

And... it's that time of year again... The NJ SCBWI Annual June Conference is THIS coming weekend! Yay! I am meeting with agent, Jill Corcoran, who was there last year and seems like a wonderful person/professional to get to know. I cannot wait. I am very, very exciting for all of these new wonders in my life... a new job, a new chapter in my daughter's life, and the June conference.

Thanks for all your patience, for not giving up on me or my blog, and if you are still out there, waiting for me to blog again.

Enjoy the sunny weather!!!

Happy Writing,
Sheri

Ahhhhh.... Spring.

It's really here. It really, truly is. Flowers have pushed their way up through the ground, birds are nesting, goslings are waddling. Ahhhhh Spring. And I have also thawed. It's amazing how I am so affected by the seasons and how more lively I feel in the spring, summer, and fall.

Today, was still busy and crazed with running around but it was all okay. Better then okay, in fact. Em had a friend sleep over and I was actually up for it. Maybe even looking forward to it. I even took them to the mall and didn't mind one bit. David got the pool running and sparkling clean and then she asked if her friend could come over again to swim. Sure! Why not?

I made dinner and sat outside in our Adirondack chair as the chicken sizzled on the BBQ and it was all good.

So what about you? Are you feeling lighter, happier, more able to deal with things now that spring has officially sprung?

On another note... The NJ SCBWI Juner is coming up. Pages and a synopsis were due a week or so ago. I met the deadline goal with literally minutes to spare... Ahhhh... it felt soooooooo good to write again. I've begun a brandy-new novel. It's a sci-fi. *shudder to think* As a kid I hated sci-fi. As an adult I like the kind that is a social commentary, a study on life with a what if spin. That is the kind of sci-fi I am writing and so far, I am loving it. Love my MC, my secondary characters, the plot, the antagonist, the twist... It just all feels so good.

My first novel was well... my first novel. Duh... But I just mean it was more then just trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I also had to figure out how to say it. I will come back to that novel and do another draft but first a first draft on this one. I still need a better title but that will come. Right now it's 2020. A double entendre.

So, happy warmer weather everyone and may your days be filled with flowers and robins.

Early Signs of Spring

Yesterday, it was still winter.
The bare and empty branches
Still quivered in the bitterness.

Today, something is different.
Outside, a cacophony of
Tree frogs and song birds.

But it’s music to my ears.

Although my ears are still
Cloaked in winter,
My soul, not fully thawed.

What is it that wakes them?
A stronger gravitational pull?
The closeness of the sun?

Is my spring device broken,
Still in a deep freeze,
Gripped in winter's icy touch?

I inhale the fresh grass and wet earth,
Let the yellows of the forsythia,
And the whites of the crocuses play with my irises.

The warm sun soothes
But does not yet penetrate
This glacial soul.

I Interupt My Study on S.A.D. To Bring You... When to Don a Tiara...

Kelly Hoeckeleberg-Young is quite hysterical. If you don't read her blog, start right after reading this posting! She had a really great link to Kristin VanOgtrop's blog Simply Stated about Julia Mancusco's tiara donning at the Olympics. So while you're traveling the blog-o-sphere be sure to stop by there and have a really good laugh. All this laughing just might cure me of S.A.D. after all. (Who needs a light box?)

So this brings up the topic of when to don a tiara? Here are my various lists...

1. When I type the words THE END to my WIP
2. When I sign on with an agent
3. When I sell my book to a publisher
4. When my book is sold to a movie producer
5. When I walk the red carpet to view my movie

Here are some more practical times...

1. Every time I pay off a credit card (my husband will get to wear one then, too)
2. On the first day of summer vacation
3. When I finally find a job that pays me well
4. Anytime I remember to bring my coupons with me to the grocery store
5. Anytime I find amazing sales
6. Every September on the first day of school
7. For all the times I clean the entire house from top to bottom (that comes with a glass of wine, too)
8. When every stitch of laundry is done in the house

Times in the past I could have worn a tiara had I known this was a viable choice...

1. Graduation from HS and college
2. When I got married
3. During the whole nine months of pregnancy (both times)
4. After delivering both of my daughters
5. When I was no longer "chapped" from nursing both my girls

But the number one time to don a tiara...

1. Whenever you and your husband fight and you're right!

So don those tiaras ladies! It's the number one way to beat the winter blues.

Living Life With S.A.D. - Entry Three - Hope

Take me with you.
Fly me away from here
to warmer places on the shore.

We can look for periwinkles,
white spindles,
and lions paw.


It can be so grand,
just you and me
in the sand, sun and sea.

The sun can't be too far away
For I heard birds singing today
in some nearby tree,
building a nest for his sweetie.

He called,
"Pur-dee, Pur-dee, Pur-dee,"
from the top of some barren Sycamore.

With calls of flattery to his mate
it reminded me that spring
won't be too, too late.

You and me,
Well, we don't even have to talk.
Just take me with you
to the sand, sun, and sea.

Let's dine on oysters
and wear their pearls
and when the sun makes it way back to here
I will return. I shall return.

I had two houses to see today for my freelance writing job today. And although it's been raining all day and it is quite grey and dreary, I heard birds singing in a nearby tree. And it in fact did sound like he was saying pretty, pretty, pretty. It made me smile.

There is no rhyme or reason to living with S.A.D. Some days are good. Some are bad. You just take it as it comes. And I find on the days when I have to get out of the house, when I have no choice, those days I am better.

But still, I cannot wait for spring. I miss the warm sun on my shoulders.

Entry Two; Living Life with S.A.D.

The water rushed in through windows and under door jams.

I must get to higher ground, she thought.

She climbed onto chairs, counters, tables but still the water rose.

Seeing no possible alternative she succumbed to the rising waters. At first the cold stole her breath and made her lips draw a thin, straight line. Quickly it rose to her thighs, waste, chest, forcing her to suck in her stomach so as not to touch her skin to her cold, damp clothes. The cold made it difficult to breathe. She gasped like a fish upon dry land and decided to fight. But it was too late.

Her dressed spilled out like liquid fabric around her--floating, billowing. She waded through the force of the water searching for higher ground. She found the stairs and once on dry risers she took them two at a time. She ran to her bedroom where she always felt safe before but the water swirled in anyway. It found her and continued to rise.

There was no relief from the water. None at all. Her bed. He bookshelves. The top of her desk. The water rose to meet her no matter how high she climbed, no matter how hard she wanted to fight, the water fought back harder. Finally, she had no choice but to tread. Her arms and legs circled until they could no longer function, aching from the strain.

At last she gave up and became still. Her arms and legs. Her chest and feet. All still. The stillness was heavy and so she sank. She sank to the soggy carpet that used to be the floor of her bedroom. She sank down the stairs that she used to trot down to breakfast in the glorious morning sunlight. She sank to the wooden floor of the kitchen where she cooked many meals for her family.

Although strange, there was no denying how peaceful it was. Quiet. Life moved in graceful, liquid slow-motion. She knew she couldn't hold her breath for too much longer and she knew there was no higher ground to swim to any longer. So she did the only thing she could do. She took in one last, long, watery glance of it all--her home, her hands, arms, feet, legs. Her life. Her. And then all that was left to do was to take in one large gulp of water.

And it was done.

Living Life With S.A.D. Entry Two

One Hour at a Time

Something happened. She wasn't quite sure what exactly or when it all began but something had changed. On silent padded paws, winter had broken into her sleep in the middle of the night and stolen her voice. And without a voice, she had no words. And without words, well, I don't have to tell you the horrors of a wordless world, do I?

But still, when did it begin? Bit by bit, piece by piece (no, that's too cliche... try again...) But still when did it all begin? October. Yes, it had to have begun way back then when the leaves had turned to amber and the evening sky to velvety shades of fuschia, purple and midnight blue. October had become the month of death since her mother passed away nine years ago. And yet every October, she was surprised when the sullenness overtook her. (Too dramatic? But it's true... stick to the truth).

Then came November, the month that's all about family. (Family.) What is family anyway? Biology that binds? Does it really? Blood is thicker then water. She knows many who would beg to differ.

December. More cheerful holidays that drive suicide ratings higher then any other month of the year. (Don't worry, there's no suicidal tendencies here). But December is more for her then holidays and forced cheer. It's the month they shared a birthday, she and her mom. December 28th. She remembers a time when she hated that fact, when she selfishly wished she had the day all to herself. But she was a little girl then and didn't really know what she was wishing for. Until now. Now that her birthday cakes just say Happy Birthday with her single name in curly blue cursive. Plenty of room for all the words to spread out.

January. Can anything be more depressing then the world growing older during a time of the world's recession? 10% of Americans are jobless and losing their homes. She could be one of those. Every day debt collectors calling asking for payment from money she does not have. Last year she worked three jobs, sometimes even more, to make ends meet. This year she lost 2/3 of those jobs and a perspective one. Two losses even happened on the same day. That day was extra special. (Too sarcastic? Too angry?) But it was still summer then and the summer sun had a way of transposing her to the Land of the Lotus Eaters and maybe there was no need to worry. Things work out. They always do. Now she's not so sure.

But then, as it always happens, October after October, and way leads unto way, worry, fear, and depression all move in, unpack and settle in for the long barren winter to begin. She remembers now, yes, that's when it all began, as it always does, in October when at first it's too subtle to notice and she still has some fight in her. Like the trees holding onto their chlorophyll before they succumb and become naked under winter's merciless wind.

As usual, it's so insignificant at first, just a cell here, a membrane there. A hair follicle. A toenail clipping. And then scrapings of flesh, pieces of flesh, chunks. And then it preys on her soul, her reason, her purpose, her goals, dreams. Until one day she looks in the mirror and notices she has simply vanished. She's become a missing person. M.I.A. (Be careful, don't get too melodramatic).

But wait. Listen. Shhhh. Somewhere deep inside of her, rattling around in her ribcage a songbird sings. You can still hear it if you try. There. Just beyond the heartbeat. Yes, the heart still beats. And just beyond it, listen. Do you hear it? The tiny woodland bird that will come home soon to nest in the early frosty spring. He still sings in her heart. But there is a disconnect. A wire left dangling from a fierce and mighty winter storm.

She has a friend, many friends, but this one friend said something that stuck, something that beckoned the sinews to work overtime. She said, One Hour at a Time.

One Hour at a Time. She can do that. One Hour at a Time. February's almost done. March is long and scary. But remember. One Hour at at Time. And then April. April with crocuses and tulips and life prevails once again, pushing its way through the defrosting ground. Buds on trees appear, birds come home to nest, bees buzz. Even the insects are missed and loved because on their dusty translucent wings comes her friend and saviour. Spring. (Corny, yes but all of it true).

Living a Life with S.A.D.

A Drive by Shooting

Deadlines, Goals, and Resolutions, Oh My!

Every New Year, and sometimes for the Jewish New Year too, I post goals and resolutions and set new deadlines for myself. I look back and see if I met any of the goals listed the previous year. I see if I've grown or learned anything new and I reflect on what I want to discover about myself as a writer and a person for this new year.

But this year, I am not sure I will do that. I'm not sure why exactly. It's not that I am taking some stand against resolutions because I'm not. Resolutions are just goals and I am all for goals.

So what's with the silence this year? I keep pondering this one myself. I think it's because I have the same goal I have had for a few years now so why write it? After all, it's embarrassing to have the same goals year after year. Isn't it???

So why write it and tell all of you?

I suppose to keep myself honest. I suppose to keep myself on track. I suppose to remind myself that even if it takes me 50 years to do what some can do in just a few short years, they are still my goals, my ambitions, my dreams, my desires and they deserve my recongnition and attention.

So, here it goes... Once again, my goals for 2010 are to polish this latest draft of OW and get an agent who believes in my work.

I would also like to outline and write at least the first draft of my next YA novel and outline my sequel to OW.

PHEW! There. I did it. A bit like pulling off a band aid. Quick. Maybe a little painful. But much relief now that it's done.

There's something to be said about this time marching on business that makes me feel so low about my goals still being my goals. Somethng about how that makes them feel so unobtainable. Something about the fact that my goals haven't changed much and so it feels like I am spinning my wheels. It feels embarrassing. They feel unconquerable.

But truthfully I know better.

I know that I have learned with each draft I write. And time marches on with or without you so even if your goals haven't changed it is important to stay in the game, to pick up those drum sticks, don that marching band feathered hat, and march on brave writers. March on!

Happy New Year everyone! And as always, Happy Writing.

Not Here But Not Gone

Sorry for the interuption of this blog. Hopefully all will be restored not too long after the New Year.

Have a happy and healthy!

Sheri